" Merry Christmas welcome to---- Dont go there old man. It is 17 degrees out side my zipper is broken and I can only find one glove"
"Merry Christmas welcome to----- Oh my God your still here!!Look i just walked from the back of the parking lot (5 blocks at least)my feet hurt alreay , dont go there."
"Merry Christmas welcome too---- Jeeeeze dont you ever give up?I just climbed over a 6 foot snow bank, skated over 7 feet of parking lot,and fell on my not so small ass....dont go there"
"Merry Christmas welcome to------yea yea yea, get it over with I just has an altercation with that bitch following me over "OUR" parking space.Dont look at me that way lady we will be seeing a lot of each other in here the stores not THAT big"
"Seasons greetings welcome to------- Christ now your PC.Don't you ever give up.Look this year I got a disabled card and the damn diabled slots are filled with shopping carts...thanks for nuthin"
"Merry Christmas welcome to---- Hey where's the old man? what do ya mean he died??? shit there goes another fine tradition.

OK Ive made it pass that hurdle, now lets get that cart hmmmm four wheels and they all go in different directions.
Lets get that cart hmmmmm four wheels and none of them go in any direction.
Lets get that cart. Hmmmm how the hell can ya get a flat tire on a plastic wheel
Lets get that cart. hmmmm you pull on the first 4 and I will tug,haul,heave,yank,strain,give my self a hernia,oh shit never mind, lets go out in the parking lot and find one. look in the handicapped parking slot, oh and watch out for the "Merry Christmas Guys"

NOW we can shop..... "My goodness yes I do look like
Santa" "yes this is my beard" "Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas to you too, damn red shirt" No I won't tell you kid to behave or I wont bring him any thing Christmas Eve. "No I won't listen to what your daughter wants for Christmas.

Ahhh there a service rep. "Excuse me can you tell me where electric frying pans are? In small appllinaces? Where is that? ohhhh your new here, ok I'll just keep looking. Oh there's another rep, "excuse me where are small applliances? oh your on break?sorry.....

Look mens wear.... Thats a nice shirt I need 2 of them 1 in L and 1 in XL, lets look at the sizes,,,,,hmmmm S,US(ultra small) VUS( very utra small) XXXL and OTTM(Omar The Tent Maker).... there are some nice sweaters and look they have them in L and XL uuhhh the L is puce and the XL is lime green. best we pass on that. ahhh nice black sweaters uhhhh there's a button missing off this one hmmmmm dont pull that thread...shit put it back.
Nice looking slacks there, and low and behold we have hit paydirt they have the waiste sizes I need, now for inseams... awwww no one is that tall OR that short.

OK I got this cart in here ,now how do I get it out? Oh excuse me I didnt see your fat ass getting in my way. Just how much suger did you feed thoes 4 kids befor you brought them here? Do you hit the kid that hard at home? Put a leash on the older one and a gag on the little one. Lets see one kid standing in the cart, one sitting, one hanging on to momma ,one dismembering a doll, one playing the video demo , and your pregenat....Damn lady get a hobby.

Ahhhh small applliances...oh course they have no elecrtic frying pans. Excuse me do you have...oh if its not on the shelves it's not here? Could you check in the ...sorry I didnt relise only stock people went back there .

Well the cart is full of stuff I didnt want so I guess it is time to check out.
Well the cart is full of stuff they dont want so I guess it is time to check out.
Well the cart is full of stuff "I" want so I guess it is time to check out.

Good all 27 regesters are open, bad 22 of them are manned by seasonal help. Lets pick a line.Hmmmm long line here, hmmm short line FULL carts. hmmmm decent line ,ohhh nooo massive kid jam. ok this one only had 7 people in front of
me.
They just turned up the heat, it is now 99.8 degrees in here. Lady ou bump me with that cart one more time and I'm gonna loose what little christmas spirit I got left. I told you before lady I'm not gonna tell your kid to behave..... OH good Im next. Oh shit just slide the card lady. press the pin number. P I N number.debit?Ok try a credit card.NO?? try another one. Cash??Oh dear God that lady over there leaving was in a longer line.....just give her the twenty it doesn't have to be exact change for Christ sake.

FINALLY!! "fine thanks, uhhhh ,thats on sale, yes it is. NO I dont know what the sign said.Price check? What do you mean the scanner is out of order? I have no idea where the price tag is.Please be careful with thoes glasses, oh never mind just drop them in the bag what the hell. what do you mean the regester is jammed.Well where is the supervisor? Lady it's you me and the cart again. ok now??? swipe the card...put in the pin number. get receipt.thank you.Merry Christmas.. lets see which door did I come in... oh yea ....
Merry Christmas welcome too------